My deepest condolences to yourself and your family - may the Lord help you to find all the strength, support and encouragement that you need in Him.

I have never been in your situation and so I won’t pretend that I understand what you are going through. As a starting point I would like to give you the very best I can offer - I can’t better the Word of God, and so my first and foremost suggestion is this:

* Go away and read the story of Samson in Judges 13-16.
* Having read the account and considered Samson in all his short-comings and how that the Lord was still able to use him mightily, and having considered the way in which Samson himself missed out on the feelings of joy and fulfillment that should have been his through serving the Lord; turn over to Hebrews 11 and read about the men and women that God sees fit to record in His word as ‘Those who lived by Faith’ - and who in so doing ‘pleased God’. When you get to verse 32 - rejoice with me at the grace and mercy of a loving God, who wanted Samson’s name to be in that amazing chapter of faith.

I can’t better God’s testimony of a man who’s life ended in suicide. I cannot claim to know where any individual stands (other than myself) when it comes to being right with God, but the Bible teaches the need for repentance towards God and faith in Christ Jesus - if your dad was trusting Christ for his soul’s eternal security, then I’ve no doubt that I’ll meet him in a future day, and I trust you’ll be there too?

With much Christian love,

Josh

PS: If necessary with the Lord’s help I can try to share a number of my own personal experiences with you, in the hope that I can be of some help - but I’m afraid they won’t come close to the Word of God, and I am unable to do so properly without a valid email address.